Confidence Building

Firstly, were you taught self-confidence growing up?

Many of us were not, and it is important to be patient with ourselves when that is the case. Confidence is a skill, so it takes times and effort to improve it.

What is Self-Confidence?

  • Self confidence is a term used to describe how we view our abilities.

  • Those with self-confidence have trust in their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their life, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they wish, plan and expect.

  • It is an attitude which allows individuals to have positive, yet realistic, views of themselves and their situations.

  • They have realistic expectations; when expectations are not met they continue to remain positive and to accept themselves.

  • Confident people can take necessary risks.

  • If you are self-confident, you can accept yourself and understand that you have both strengths and weaknesses.

  • Those with confident do not base it only on the opinions of others.

  • Self-confidence levels are not set in stone.

Gaining Confidence 

  • If you are confident you know what your skills and abilities are and believe you can succeed in what you have to do. If you lack confidence, you are not sure if you can complete the task successfully.

  • Confidence is learned.

  • Self-efficacy: When we demonstrate skills, accomplish tasks, fulfill responsibilities, and achieve our goals, we build experiences that increase our sense of self-efficacy. This is because when you accomplish something, you will be confident that you can again.

What are some sources of self-confidence? 

Examples of self-confidence sources/influences:

1. Successful Actions

2. Working with Others

3. The Power of Words 

4. Visualization 

5. Physiological and Emotional States - HALT/PHALTS - our physical and mental condition impact our confidence (we can't be successful when our needs are not met) HALT and ask yourself if you are struggling with any of the following feelings/challenges: 

a. Hungry

b. Angry 

c. Lonely 

d. Tired

e. Or Pain Hunger Anger Loneliness Tired Sadness 

20 Tips to Improve Self-Confidence

1. Observe a Role Model

  • Think about someone who is confident

  • Act, talk and walk like him or her

  • Model their mannerisms and behavior

  • It works for them; it will work for you

2. Smile a lot more

  • Smile when you walk down the street

  • Smile when you meet people

  • Try to be happier even if you're feeling that way

  • Increase your positive behaviors; increase your positive feelings

3. Learn from the past; do not dwell on it  

  • You can't change the past

  • You can change your future

  • Learn from the past so don't repeat it

4. Reward yourself with Kindness

  • Engage in one of your interests

  • Relaxation treatments

  • A nice dinner

  • A fun activity

5. Be Prepared

  • Be prepared for situations

  • Be prepared for challenges

  • Be prepared for meetings, interviews and presentations

6. Play to Your Strengths

  • Know your strengths

  • Do the things you are good at on a regular basis

  • If you accomplish things, you'll feel more confident

7. Improve Your Weaknesses

  • Know and appreciate what these are

  • Create an action plan to improve your weaknesses over time

  • Follow through on your action plan

8. Learn how to Say "NO" to People

  • This is empowering and a necessart practice to feel confident

  • Saying "no", when it is appropriate, will help you become more confident

  • Say it without guilt or regret

9. Be Positive

  • Look on the "can do" side of things rather than the "can't do"

  • You've accomplished a lot in your life

  • You will accomplish a lot more in the future

10. Be in Charge of what You do with Your Thoughts

  • Think positively and increase your self-confidence

  • Try to realize the impact that your own thoughts do not have on your overall well-being

11. Challenge Negative Thinking
Whenever you feel a negative thought coming: 

  • STOP


  • ASK "Is this really important in the grand scheme of things?"

12. Do Not Let the Words of Others Affect You

  • Remember that no one can make you feel inferiors without your consent

  • Don't give others that much power over you

13. Identify Your Negative Confidence Vocabulary Words

  • Use words that will decrease the emotion and increase positivism

  • The intensity of the words that you use trains your mind to believe those words

  • Decreasing negative vocabulary will decrease negative feelings

14. Recognize Your Daily Achievements and Successes

  • At the end of each day list your achievements and successes throughout that day

  • Accomplishment leads to self-confidence

  • Instead of dwelling on the little things that set us back that day, think about the tasks you accomplished

15. Take Time to Appreciate What You Have

  • Be thankful for what you have

  • Be thankful that you are able to give love

  • Be thankful that you are loved

  • Be thankful that you can help others

16. Visualize Your Success

  • Think about what you know will happen today

  • Picture how you will be successful in these situations

  • If you think like someone who is successful, you will be successful

17. Improve Your Body Language

  • Talk, walk and act like you are confident

  • Put your shoulders back

  • Act as if you have somewhere very important to go, you are on a confident mission and nothing is going to stop you!

18. Emotion is Created by Motion

  • Move around

  • Moving creates energy

  • Moving around helps you feel better and more confident

19. Learn to Speak Highly of Yourself

  • Talk about your achievements and successes

  • You should be proud of the things you achieve, make sure the people around you know about it!

20. You Only Live Once

  • If something is bothering you ask yourself "In 10 or 20 years time - will what I am worrying about right now really matter?"

  • Your time is too valuable to waste it on worrying about things that really do not matter in the long run

Ways to help gain confidence/evidence of self confidence:

  1. Break tasks into smaller units

  2. Acknowledge your successes

  3. Identify sources of support AND managing toxic behavior

  4. Accept compliments graciously

  5. Don't try to please everyone

The Self-Confidence Triad

Self Confidence is how we feel about our specific abilities. It is our belief that we think our strengths and abilities are good enough to successfully complete a task or goal. We will re-calculate or re-assess our confidence for every situation. With high self-confidence, as discussed above, we feel assured that we can accomplish tasks, we are not affected negatively by failure or rejection, and we believe we can succeed when we push our boundaries and take risks.

Self-Esteem is how we feel about ourselves in light of other human beings. We consider their options and we measure ourselves according to the expectations of society as we understand them. It is often based comparisons with others, ourselves and other's expectations of ourselves. Self-Esteem is often thought of as how much we like ourselves as a person. With high self-esteem, we believe that we are doing well relative to our peers and feel as though we are respected and appreciated by others in our life. 

Self-Worth is our sense of satisfaction with our lives, self and existence. It is a measure of whether or not we are happy with our accomplishments, and satisfied with what we are currently doing with our lives, and what our present path implies for our future. It is reflective of whether or not we feel good about our life and whether we feel like our lives are meaningful. With high self-worth we will value, respect and love ourselves and our efforts.